治療婚姻之痛

　　Judy的丈夫為了跟她的好友結婚，選擇結束婚姻，這是她萬萬想不到的結果。慘痛的經歷把她拖進谷底。見過幾個輔導員後，Judy來找我們，希望重拾生活。

　　沒過多久，我們發現了一個定律。每當有男性對她表示有興趣，她會著魔似的編造不同藉口以圖破壞再約會的機會。明顯地，她的過去像鬼魅般苦苦糾纏著她。為此，我與她分享了下面的故事。

喬•拜登（Joe Biden）

　　喬•拜登（Joe Biden）擁有一個美滿的家庭。他深愛他的第一任妻子，他們的三個孩子也討人歡喜。兩個兒子很有才華，一個是數學天才，另一個則盡顯其運動天分，可愛的女兒也深得他的寵愛。拜登的生活被厚厚的幸福包圍，近乎完美。

　　一天，太太跟孩子們去選購聖誕樹，途中她們的車與一架醉駕的貨車相撞，妻子跟女兒當場死亡，兩個兒子雖然死裏逃生，但意外帶來的身體傷害卻永久不能抹去。數學天才頭部受到猛烈的撞擊；運動天才四肢骨折，內臟亦受損。

　　巨大的傷痛把他迫到崩潰的邊緣，一股從未感受過的悲傷、仇恨、痛苦及憤怒把他淹沒。一個受高等教育的紳士竟然出現暴力的傾向，虔誠的基督徒竟想殺死醉駕的司機，甚至了結自己的生命。從未想過出現在自己身上的可怕想法卻偏偏糾纏著他。

　　拜登深知這道傷口需要治療，而能救治的人只有他自己。為了兩個兒子，他必須變得更強，重新建立家庭。要從悲痛中甦醒，站起來，忘記過去展望將來，一切都需要很大的努力。這是個困難重重的挑戰，但他最後跨過了。餘下的已成歷史，今天他再次結婚，更成為了史上最受尊敬的副總統之一。

蔣介石的第三任妻子

　　1919年，32歲的蔣介石遇見了只有13歲、稚氣未脫的陳潔如。他花了兩年時間追求她，最終女方在他強勢的攻勢下應許這段婚姻。事實上，根據後人的記載，縱管她的丈夫好色、脾氣壞、愛惹爭端、頑固及有無窮的野心，陳潔如仍是死心塌地，與他共渡難關。這段婚姻維持了七年。

　　縱然曾有矢志不渝的盟誓，蔣介石更追求事業上的成功，他選擇讓陳潔如流亡海外，自己可以攀上權貴宋美齡，拓展人際網絡。最後，他選擇放棄前妻，迎娶宋美齡。為了討好宋家，他否認與陳潔如曾為結髮夫妻，曾經的髮妻只成為他口中崇拜他的少女。

　　背叛重重擊倒陳潔如，從此她再站不起來。她回到上海，苟活於傷痛的陰霾下，以淚洗臉。周恩來同情她的遭遇，同意讓她移居到香港，改名為陳璐，用餘生來治療一顆己死的心，與花草為伴，最終於難過、孤單中逝去65年的生命。

　　兩個故事的主人翁都面對人生中的悲痛。如拜登所言，「上帝給予人類最好的禮物是能夠去忘記。」他好好運用了這份禮物，走過陳潔如選擇停留的低谷。

　　（按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）

Painful Memories

　　Judy’s husband divorced her to marry her best friend. She did not see it coming. It was an extremely painful experience, she was devastated and suffered a deep depression. Judy had already gone through numerous counselors and two years of therapy before she came to us.

　　Very soon, we noticed a pattern. Every time, someone would show an interest in her, she would conjure up excuses to sabotage repeat dates. She was clearly still suffering from the ghost of the past. We sat her down and told her these stories:

Joe Biden

　　Joe Biden was happily married with a wonderful family. He loved his first wife, they had 3 beautiful children, two sons (a brilliant mathematical genius and the other a talented sportsman). Above all, he adored his sweet little daughter,  the love of his life. His world was perfect and he was in the thick of happiness.

　　One day, his wife and children went Christmas shopping for a Christmas tree. A tractor- trailer broadsided the family car, killing his wife and his daughter instantly, & hospitalized his two sons, with what were thought to be at the time permanent, fundamental injuries. The clever son suffered serious blows to his head and the athletic son suffered multiple fractures to limbs and internal organs.

　　Joe Biden collapsed into the deepest of depression, experiencing more pain,  hatred, bitterness and anger than he knew he could feel. This was a highly educated gentleman, and yet he found himself contemplating violence. A devout Christian, and yet he wanted to murder the drunken driver… he even thought about killing himself ….relentlessly haunted by frightening thoughts he did not know he was capable of.

　　He had to heal and he knew that no one could help him if he doesn’t first help himself.

　　He had to be strong for his sons, to keep the rest of his family together. It took colossal effort to overcome this grief, to stand up again, to look forward and not to look back… It was a tremendous challenge, but he prevailed. The rest is history. Today he has happily remarried and is also one of the best respected Vice President of the United States.

Cheung kai Shek’s  Third Wife

　　In 1919 the 32 year old Chiang Kai-shek met the naïve 13 year-old whom he would call Ch'en Chieh-ju. He pursued her for two years until she finally agreed to marry her forceful suitor. In spite of the fact that her husband was, according to later memoirs, a lustful, ill tempered, quarrelsome, stubborn and boundlessly ambitious man,  she loved him deeply and stood by him through difficult times. Their marriage lasted for seven years.

　　Although pledging his fidelity, Chiang then sent his wife off to involuntary exile in the States so that he could concentrate on pursuing the cosmopolitan and well connected Soong Mei Ling in order to advance his own political career. He finally ditched his wife, married Soong, and to pacify the Soong family, publicly declared that he had never married Ch’en and that their relationship was merely a young girl’s infatuation.

　　Chieh Yu was so devastated by the magnitude of this betrayal, she never recovered. She returned to Shanghai, dazed and stunned by her own predicament, weeping uncontrollably. Chou En Lai felt sorry for her and approved her relocation to Hong Kong, she changed her name to Chen Lu, spent the rest of her life nursing her broken heart, writing and taking care of her plants, and died a sad, lonely old woman at the age of 65.

　　We have here two stories of two people and how they handled painful memories.  As Jo Biden said, “ The greatest gift God gives man is the ability to forget”  He used this gift and moved on in life. Chen Chieh Ju did not.