新年如何解決「終身大事」

　　送蛇迎馬，儘管新一年為我們添一分老態，卻又加添了智慧。

　　談起年老，人口老化是香港正面對的最嚴重的問題之一。或許今年要定下一個務實的願望，不再只顧私利，不計多少，為香港的人口老化問題想出解決辦法。

　　香港人口老化，連帶勞動力收縮。時至今日，65歲或以上的長者已佔八分之一的人口，預計20年後會躍升至四分一，在2050年前，將有四成人口的年齡超過65歲，WHO已預期香港將於最多長者的城市中排名第5。為此，政府邀請香港理工大學於2010年7月成立IAA (活齡學院)以研究問題對策。可是，若港人不投入參與解難，所有對策如同無物。

　　我們可做甚麼？

　　1. 假設你已婚但決定不生育，請再三考慮。

　　2. 假設你已婚並打算撫育一個小孩，何不考慮生兩個？

　　3. 假設你已婚但不能生育，可考慮領養小孩。

　　4. 若果你仍單身？快找個伴侶，建立自己的家庭。

　　大部分單身一族自稱未婚只因真命天子尚未現身。我會說你們未夠努力。假若你要取得考試合格，你定要溫習；若然你要做好任何事，你定要花時間下苦功；假設你要尋找終身伴侶，真命天子是不會不費分毫，從天而降。停止責難你的運氣及生活，要更積極面對，視終身大事為一個項目，為此定下對策。「機會」跟「態度」二詞要常掛心頭。

　　首先，為自己製造機會。你可以積極擴闊社交圈子，又或尋求協助。在香港有不少公司提供約會及配對服務，但更簡單、相宜的做法是找親友幫忙。不用全然相告、又不必轉彎抹角，或矯柔作態、故作神秘，只要直接說出來，「我想找個伴，如果你遇到有適合我的對象，要介紹給我啊！」別人會怎樣想？他們認為你正認真地尋覓另一半，並無誤解。如果這正是你的想法，為何羞於承認？假若他們是你的家人與摰友，會希望你過得快樂。如不，他們的意見也不相干。

　　一旦獲得機會，你將要以正確的態度去建立並維持一段關係。列下清單：你想從關係中獲得甚麼？你會否太不切實際？要求過多？過份挑剔？太不講理？你是否只求收獲，曾否回報？關係是一條雙行道，你正為關係貢獻了甚麼？大部分終身伴侶所追尋的是生命的寬度。或者少點批判、煩躁、動怒，自自然然地我們會多點包容、親切、寬恕、諒解、支持……這些素質讓我們容易親近及真摰吸引。相信我，餘下的會隨之而來。

　　謹記，令你快樂不是任何人的責任，令你快樂的人只有你自己。以擴大生命的寬度為新年願望，嘗試依循，這定會讓我們成為更快樂的人，給我們更美好的明天，以成就更好的香港。

 （按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）

New Year Resolution

　　As we move away from the year of the Snake into the Year of the Horse, we are another year wiser, albeit another year older.

　　Speaking of ageing, this is certainly one of the most serious problems facing Hong Kong . Perhaps our New Year Resolution should be a pragmatic one whereby we not only concentrate on helping ourselves, but think of helping HK to alleviate this problem as well, in however small ways.

　　HK’s population is ageing and the workforce is shrinking. Today, one in eight ages 65 or above. In 20 years’ time , it will be 1 in 4, and by 2050,  40% of our population will be over 65,  and HK is forecasted by the WHO to rank fifth in the world for cities with most elderly people. The govern-ment has asked Poly University to establish the IAA (Institute of Active Ageing) in July 2010 to study this problem and help find solutions. However, no strategy can be effective if we, the people of Hong Kong,  do not actively participate.

　　What can we do to help ?

　　1) If you are married and decided not to have children, please reconsider.

　　2) If you are married and  plan to have only one child, perhaps consider two?

　　3)  If you are married and cannot have children, think of adoption.

　　4)  What if you are not married? Find a spouse and set up a family soon.

　　Most singles claim they want to get married but haven’t found the right person yet.  I say you didn’t try hard enough. If you want to pass an exam, you have to study, If you want to be good in anything, you’d need hours of practice… if you want to find a spouse, the right person isn’t going to fall off the sky and drop into your lap  ! You have to stop blaming luck and life, be pro-active, treat it like a project and develop a strategy. The two key words to remember are “Opportunities” and “Attitude”.

　　Firstly, create your own opportunities. Either you go out to actively expand your social circle, or you seek help. There are a lot of dating services and matchmakers in HK, but an easier and cheaper way would be for you to ask relatives and friends to help you. Don’t mince words, don’t beat about the bush, don’t try to be coy or subtle, just say it right out, “ I am looking for a husband, if you come across someone suitable, please introduce him to me !”. What will people think of you ? They will think that you are seriously seeking a husband, and they are not wrong. If that is what you want, why should you be ashamed to admit it?  If they are families and true friends, they will want you to be happy too. If not, their opinion is irrelevant anyway.

　　Once you have been given an opportunity, you would need the right attitude to build and then sustain a relationship. Check list: What are you looking for in a relationship? are you being  too unrealistic? too demanding? too critical ? too unreasonable ? Are you only asking to receive or are you also giving something in return? A relationship is a two way street, what exactly are you contributing to this relationship ?  The one thing most life partners seek is latitude in life. Perhaps by being less judgmental, less easily annoyed, less angry…we become inevitably more tolerant, more accommodating, more forgiving, more understanding, more supportive… And it is qualities as such that make us amiable & genuinely attractive… Believe me,  the rest will come.

　　Remember, nobody has the duty to make you happy, you make yourself happy.  Let’s try to follow the New Year Resolution of allowing more latitude in life, it will certainly make us happier people, bringing us a better tomorrow for a better Hong Kong.