熟女與嫩男

　　何謂美洲獅 (cougar)?

　　「美洲獅」一般解作山獅，是美洲的大型貓科類動物。但近期的美國專門用語中，則意指為約四十歲或以上的女性，吸引到較自己年輕十歲以上的男性，並與他們發生性關係。

　　「美洲獅」有已婚者亦有未婚者。有已被整容手術弄至人面全「飛」者，有因歲月不留情，年華早逝而患上嚴重自我否定者，亦有貌美如花，隨時可以跟年輕十載的女子在情場一拼的絕世佳人。有些「美洲獅」會把在異性身上所得到的每分善意視為「愛」，將這溫暖來填補空虛。有些「美洲獅」對戀愛關係不感興趣，她們渴望的是性愛，享受著盛年男子為她們的外表著迷的光景。

　　「美洲獅」現象最早見於電影《畢業生》中的德斯汀荷夫曼(Dustin Hoffman)與臭名昭著的Mrs. Robinson的關係。生活的實例有相差15年的黛咪摩爾Demi Moore與艾希頓庫奇Ashton Kutcher；相差12年的蘇珊莎蘭登Susan Sarandon與提姆羅賓斯Tim Robbins；相差21年的芭芭拉荷西Barbara Hershey與納文安德魯斯Naveen Andrews。麥當娜Madonna、珍妮花露柏絲Jennifer Lopez、莎朗史東Sharon Stone亦如是，說擁有較年輕的「男友們」的她們為現今的「美洲獅」亦不為過。這亦非甚麼新鮮事，伊麗莎白一世、蘇格蘭女王瑪麗一世，以及拿破崙的約瑟芬就定義而言，均是歐洲史上「美洲獅」的表表者。先不責難誰，我們的歷史中亦有不相伯仲的例子，由孝文幽皇后、楊貴妃、慈禧太后至溥儀的皇后婉容等都是出名的「美洲獅」。

　　有些人認為美洲獅的行為可悲，帶有絕望的惡臭。其他人認為這是源於自我賦權，其中年長的婦女充分自信，主動拾回約會時的點滴，並再次證明自己魅力依舊，依然渴市，儘管嚮往承諾更為聰明及不受拘束。美洲獅在美國日趨普遍，因為年輕的男人愛「不受束縛」的關係，在不需要認真地作出長遠的承諾下，他們從美洲獅身上找到某方面同齡女性未能滿足的親密關係。且不說性愉悅，他們亦認為成熟的女人更會體諒，更容易溝通與相處。聽上去是雙贏的局面？何不一試？

　　在這個互聯網的時代，媒體的力量無比，很容易可把放蕩的想法轉化為「時尚」。我個人認為這個潮流既不切實際、不健康、更難以維系持久性。無需深入討論弗洛伊德(Sigmund Freud)的戀母情論說，就簡單地想想一個女人與她這位姐弟戀甚至母子戀的伴侶如何去爭取家人、朋友、同事及社會的尊重呢？又如何取得「他」家人、同事及朋友的接受呢？享受性事後有何事可談？她每發現一條新的皺紋時會感到難堪嗎？她會因加倍努力，與他參與劇烈的戶外活動而疲乏嗎？每當他與較他年輕的女子談笑風生時，她會妒火中燒嗎？當他跟他的科技通朋友就裝置、術語、音樂等等她從未聽過的話題沒完沒了地熱烈討論時，她會猶如外人嗎？

　　執子之手，與子偕老是一種千金難買、非常甜蜜、欣慰的感受。關係到一個人不會介意我的腰肢肥肉橫生，我的下巴線條漸漸隱沒，我的魚尾紋偷偷冒出。即使要告訴他我的背傷、膝痛，以及我的疲憊與善忘等等，我也不會感到慚愧，因為他亦有著同樣的徵狀。我不能想像要經常假裝自己較真實年齡看來年輕所帶來的焦慮，有一天會被取代的潛在恐懼，又或經常要跟上他，不可鬆懈下來的壓力。

　　揀選伴侶要細想遠景、明智選擇。

 　　（按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）

“Cougar”Women

　　What is a cougar?

　　A “cougar”,  also known as a mountain lion,  is a large cat of the family Felidae native to the Americas. The modern day American terminology however, refers to an older woman about the age of 40 or above, who is primarily attracted to and has sex with much younger men at least ten years her junior.

　　A cougar may be married or unmarried. She can be anyone from an excessively surgically altered wind tunnel victim, or a sad, bloated, ageing woman in serious denial, to a stunning, gorgeous goddess who can vie with women decades younger any day. Some cougars seek any display of affection from the opposite sex as a substitute for love just to fill a void. Some cougars are not interested in a relationship, they just want sex, enjoying the fact that they are physically desirable to men who are in the prime of their virility.

　　An early example of the cougar phenomenon was seen in the movie “The Graduate” with Dustin Hoffman and the notorious “Mrs. Robinson”. Real life cougar relationships include Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher (15 years difference), Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins (12 years), and Barbara Hershey and Naveen Andrews (21 years). Madonna, Jennifer Lopez, Sharon Stone have likewise, much younger “boyfriends”, qualifying them to be modern day cougars as well. This scenario is nothing new, Queen Elizabeth I, Mary Queen of Scots, Napoleon’s Josephine were all by definition, prominent “cougars” in European history. Before we start pointing fingers, we too have our fair share in our history, from Empress Feng Run, Yang Guifei, Dowager, to the Empress of Pu Yi, Wan Rong…were all well known “cougars”.

　　Some people find cougar behaviour pathetic, it carries the stench of desperation. Others consider this a source of self empowerment, in which older women, sufficiently self confident, now proactively reclaim the dating scene and prove once again they are still attractive and desirable, albeit wiser and unencumbered by the yearning for commitment. Cougars are gaining in popularity in the States because young men love the “no string attached” relationship formula, they have the ability to explore certain aspects of intimacy a woman their own age would never be able to impart, without having to be seriously entangled in long term commit-ments. Quite apart from the sexual high, they also find mature women more understanding, easier to communicate and get along with. Sounds like a win win situation? so why not ?

　　In this internet age, the power of the media has the omnipotent ability to profligate wrong ideas as something “ fashionable”. I personally find this fad to be impractical, unhealthy and unsustainable. Without going into the complexity of Freud’s Oedipus Complex,  how exactly does one go about sustaining the acceptance and respect of one’s family, friends, the business community and society at large? or maintaining a genuine friendship with “his” family, colleagues and friends? What does one talk about after sex? Does she cringe at the discovery of every new wrinkle ? Does she get tired working extra hard to keep up with all his vigorous outdoor excursions? Is she consumed by jealousy when he starts flirting with someone younger than himself? Does she feel left out when he is busy engaging in  animated discussions with his tech savvy buddies about gadgets, jargons, music and whatnots she has never even heard of?

　　There is something very sweet and gratifying about growing old together. About someone who doesn’t mind my expanding midriff, my sagging jaw line and the crows feet at the corner of my eyes. I am not ashamed to tell him that sometimes my back hurts, my knee hurts, I am tired, and becoming forgetful… because he too is experiencing the same symptoms. I cannot imagine the anxiety of constantly having to pretend that I am younger than my age, the latent fear of being replaced someday, or the unrelenting pressure of always having to keep up…

　　In choosing a partner, think long term. Choose wisely.