戀愛前修的壓力管理課

 　　在香港，人人彷彿生活在快車道上：急速的步伐及鼓動的脈搏，充滿挑戰與緊張，這裏絕不是培養戀愛關係的理想環境，更莫論要維持一段關係。因此在尋找你的伴侶之前，當務之急先要學習處理「壓力」。

　　最早期進行有關壓力研究的是Cannon and Selye，他們當時以動物作為研究對象，至後來發明「壓力指數」的Rahe and Holmes才轉移研究人類。傳統而言，壓力被理解為超出個人控制範圍的「外在因素」，不過，現今的研究證實這個說法並不正確。事實上，外在因素沒有產生壓力的內在能力，壓力源自我們對某些情況的看法。壓力未被好好處理下，它可以破壞一段前景明朗的關係，使身體狀況變差，甚至引致抑鬱。

壓力管理基本論

　　你永遠不會有足夠的時間完成所有你需要做的事；工作及家庭責任對你的索求永遠多於你所能及；身處的環境永遠有能力不逮及橫魯無理的人；無論你在個人理財上如何精明，每個月總有意料之外的開支……

　　管理壓力要先由找出壓力的根源開始，這是個不容易的步驟，因為我們傾向責怪外在因素而非事情本身，例如：你因為約會被耽誤而氣憤難平，但請不要怪責向餐廳預訂七時用餐的男友，他不是你的出氣袋，遲到及計劃不周才是你壓力的源由。壓力管理講求在思想、情緒、時間表上的控制，以及處理問題的方法。現實是你能掌控你的生活就是為管理壓力打下基礎。

　　以下是最常見的健康及不健康的處理壓力方法：

　　上述方法對舒緩壓力起了即時的作用。要完全緩解壓力，先要有所改變。你可以改變現況，又或自己的反應，不妨試試以下的方法：

　　1) 保護自己

　　學會說「不」，你不是超人，不要凡事過份投入。避開一些令你感到苦惱的人和事，精明地掌控自己的生活規律，正如早上的交通問題令你緊張起來，就嘗試提早出門，付出少少時間就可舒緩你的緊張，絕對值得。

　　2) 好好表達自己

　　只有少部分人是有目的地找麻煩。如果有些人常常做一些事情令你苦惱不堪，你就簡潔及尊重地向他表達自已的感受。這個方式既避免令人感到難受又能找出解決辦法。但請切記，能施亦要能受才是公平。

　　3) 改變自己的態度

　　如果你經常覺得時間不夠用，自怨自艾是沒有用的，要學習「時間管理」，及後你會發現很多問題的本身已有答案。試試以正面的看法，加點幽默感來面對當前的壓力。最後，不要再當完美主義者，放過自己並放過別人，達至八成已夠滿足。

　　4) 寬宏以待

　　接受你不能改變的事情，調節的反而是你對待問題的方法。記緊「那些沒有打敗你的挑戰會使你更堅強」，有危自有機，這是個人成長所必經的。如果那些令自己飽受壓力的結果由自己一手造成，就從錯誤中學習。與你的摯愛分擔壓力，更重要是學會放手。

　　科學早已證實健康的生活習慣有助我們對抗壓力。每天由一個健康的早餐作始，減少食用咖啡因及糖，遠離煙酒及藥物，定期做運動及有保持充足的睡眠。

　　成功地管理你的壓力就是建立及維持健康的愛情關係的關鍵。

　　（按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）

Stress Management

　　In Hong Kong, we tend to live our lives on the fast lane – quick paced and plucky pulsed, full of spunk and tension – hardly the ideal climate to be cultivating relationships, let alone sustaining one. Before finding a spouse therefore, it is imperative that we learn to cope with “Stress” first.

　　The earliest scientific studies regarding stress were conducted on animals by Cannon and Selye. These were later transferred onto humans by Rahe and Holmes who invented the “Stress Scale”. Stress was traditionally conceptualized to be “external factors” all quite beyond one’s control. Recent studies confirm this to be untrue. In fact, external factors have no intrinsic capacity to produce stress, it is our own perception of a certain situation which produces stress. Not properly managed, stress can cause the early demise of an otherwise promising relationship, health decline or even depression.

The Fundamentals of Managing Stress

　　There are never enough hours in the day to do everything you need to do; career and family responsibilities will always demand more attention than you can give; there are always incompetent and unreasonable people around ; and no matter how well you plan your personal finances, there are always surprise expenditures every month…

　　Stress management begins with identifying the source of stress which is not always easy,  because our reflex is to blame outside factors rather than looking inwards. For instance, being late for your date stresses you out,  please don’t blame the boyfriend for his 7pm restaurant booking, he is not the stressor, the source of stress is actually your own tardiness and poor planning. Managing stress is all about taking charge of your thoughts, emotions, schedule and how you handle problems. It is the realization that you are in control of your life which lays the foundation to stress management.

　　The most common healthy and unhealthy ways of coping with stress are :

　　All of the above offer some temporary relief. To alleviate stress thoroughly, one would require change. You can either change the situation or your own reaction, try these:

　　1) Protect Yourself –

　　Learn to say “no”, you are not Superman, so don’t over-commit.  Avoid people and discussion topics that annoy you. Be smart in navigating your routine, e.g. the morning traffic gets on your nerves, then go in earlier, putting in the extra time in return for calmer nerves is well worthwhile.

　　2) Be Articulate –

　　Very few people annoy you on purpose. If someone is doing something which annoys you constantly, convey your feelings in a succinct and respectful manner. This prevents resentment and brings a solution. Be fair though and be prepared to reciprocate in kind.

　　3) Change your Attitude –

　　If you are always short of time, instead of lamenting, learn “Time Management” and you’ll see many problems dissolving by themselves. Try looking at stressful situations from a more positive perspective, with humour. Finally, stop being a perfectionist, live and let live,  be content with 80% !

　　4) Be magnanimous –

　　Accept the things you cannot change, change instead your own reaction to the problems. Remember, ” What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” accept challenges as opportunities for personal growth. If stressful consequences were caused by your own doing, learn from your mistakes. Share your burden with loved ones, and more importantly, learn to forgive.

　　It has been scientifically proven  that a healthy lifestyle strengthens resistance to stress. Start by eating a healthy diet, reduce caffeine and sugar, avoid alcohol, cigarettes and drugs, exercise regularly and get sufficient sleep.

　　Successfully managing your stress level is the key to building and maintaining healthy relationships.