愛批評的人
#Sex & Relationship在我的客人當中，有些是離了婚的。當被問到究竟是甚麼原因導致離婚，「愛批評」通常是最大的主因。
正如一些愛追隨正宗廚藝的人，愛批評別人用速成法煮的家常小菜。這些愛批評的人會覺得自己的知識和嚴格標準比別人高一等；道德和自身行為比別人更高尚；還會認為自己分析推測所得的「證據」一定沒有錯。有時愛批評的人，沒有根據事實和結果作判斷，而通常他們的判斷沒有將推想和事實分開，或沒看到事實全部的真相，缺乏遠見。有一次在街上，我遇見兩個年輕人，他們請我在請願信上簽名，我要求他們給我三個幫他們的理由。令我驚訝的是，他們對自己熱烈支撐、激烈抗辯的論題其實認知不多！
當我們批評別人時，我們會假設自己是正義的權威，用一套嚴格的標準去衡量他人，並哄騙自己：「如果遇到與對方同樣的遭遇時，我（們）一定會比對方處理得更好。」但是我們真是可以做到嗎？今時今日我們好像頻繁地舉牌反抗，拒絕建議、痛斥變化、咒罵政策、譴責他人…已成常態。我們也會貶低配偶，挑剔另一半。我們何時開始變得這樣好戰和愛批評？
7月24日，我公司被一份本地報章以不實和詆毀性的報導所抨擊。雖然報導出街後，仍有不少好友和客人繼續支持我，但仍有不愉快的事情發生。有些等了數個月，很想約到我們的客人突然取消約見。取消的理由是看了該報導後「對我們失去信心」；有些剛與我們簽了合約的新客人突然要求退款。為尊重客人，當然一一應他們要求退款或取消會面。幸好，沒有任何一個與我們合作超過兩星期的客人，要求退出或退款。
據統計，今年4月至今，超過180篇有關我們公司的報導是正面的，只有少數是負面報導。有趣的是，有些人忽略正面報導，只留意並相信那一篇負面報導。相信那一篇報導的人沒有對該報導抱有任何懷疑或疑問，沒有留意該報導是否屬實，沒有批判性的思考。他們認為我心虛，所以遲遲才為該報導澄清。
事實上，真相與那些人所想的不同。我遲遲為該報導澄清，是因為當日颱風襲港，很多事都要延遲。我本來在該報刊登澄清聲明，但因為我們不願意刪除部分內容，所以被拒絕。而在其他報章刊登澄清聲明也頗費周章，有些報章拒絕，有些則要求我們修改聲明內的重要內容或在聲明中刪除該報的名字，莫非這是為了保護和不開罪行家而要求我們作上述行為？幸好最後找到幾份報章，開明公平地給機會我們澄清，但都得來不易，因為大部分收費都很昂貴。就是以上原因，才令我遲遲為該報導澄清。
取消與我們見面的女士介乎40至50歲。這樣做她們也失去找到終生伴侶的好機會，因為我們是唯一一間接受這個年齡層的媒人公司。所以愛批評的人，也會傷害到自己。
（按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）
Being Judgmental
We have clients who are divorced. When asked to name one catalyst which triggered the beginning of the end, “being judgmental” would often transpire as the probable cause.
Like culinary purists who tend to be judgmental about home cooks who take shortcuts, a person who “judges” assumes his/her own intellectual and substantive standards to be superior; moral and behavioral standards to be noble; and analysis of circumstantial evidence to be infallible. Judgment is passed, sometimes with far reaching consequences, based in fact on very little, often without separating facts from fiction, or without seeing the big picture from other perspectives. I was once stopped on the street by two young men gathering signatures for a petition. I asked them to give me 3 good reasons WHY I should support their cause and was shocked to see how little they knew about the subject they were fighting vehemently to rebuke!
When we judge someone we assume a sense of righteousness, measuring people against a barometer we have set for "them", deluding ourselves to think that “WE” could have done a whole lot better when given the same circumstances. Could we really? We seem to be raising a lot of placards these days, we reject proposals, denounce changes, revile policies, condemn people … belittle our spouses; blame our partners…all in a day’s work. Since when have we become so belligerent, so judgmental??
We experienced an attack on 24/7 when a local newspaper published an untrue and damaging article about my company. Whilst many precious friends & clients stood by us throughout this ordeal, there were unhappy incidences too, of course. Prospective clients who had waited for months to secure appointments with us suddenly cancelled, citing this damning article as the reason for their “loss of confidence… ” New clients who only just signed on would suddenly ask to withdraw for refund… We obliged all requests. It was just gratifying to see that not one single client who has been with us for longer than two weeks, has asked to back out.
At last count, there were over 180+ POSITIVE articles in the media about me and my company between April and now, and only a handful negative ones. It is fascinating to observe how someone would choose to ignore them all and concentrate solely on ONE negative story in a tabloid press and swallow it whole -without enquiry, without verification, and without the benefit of a doubt. They found my response “too slow”, therefore I must be “guilty as charged”… Judged and sentenced.
The truth looked very different. With the typhoon, delay was inevitable. Our request to publish our Announcement in the same paper was declined, unless we were to delete points (6)+(7) which we refused. Finding alternative papers to publish our defense was equally frustrating… many refused, some requested serious amendments …A couple told us to delete the paper’s name… Perhaps it is common courtesy in this field to cover each other’s back? We did finally manage to have our Announcement published in a couple of papers who were fair enough to let us have our say, but it didn’t come easy, and it most certainly didn’t come cheap. This explains why it has taken us a week to respond.
Those ladies who hastened to cancel on us were in their 40’s and 50’s. In so doing, they have forfeited their one chance of finding a life partner, because we are the ONLY matchmaker in HK who accepts women in this age bracket. Being judgmental hurts .