對與錯？是看法不同吧！
#Sex & Relationship「人的虛榮心及無禮把動物視為愚蠢的，只因在這些人的愚蠢想法中這是愚蠢的。」－馬克．土溫
兩歲半的孫兒穿不下他最喜歡的牛仔外套，我買了一件新的送他。這件新外套經過大幅度的洗水，又時尚地點綴了多個小孔，我覺得它有型、時尚，而且不合理的昂貴。
不過，他不願意穿上。他把小手指穿在其中一個小孔中，苦苦的看著我，搖搖頭說「破了」。由衷的失望，我盯著眼前的兩件外套，一件完好無缺、縫紉貼直，看來光潔整齊，另一件看來破破碎碎、七零八落，我實在想不到用何理由來說服可憐的孩子破爛的外套是較好的選擇。
我們對對與錯的看法決定自身的行為。「看法」是由個人的經驗、資訊、及我們當下的情緒狀況所組成的具體想法。要保持客觀很難，今天，媒體在我們身上灌輸一些捏造的想法及輕率的價值判斷，我們的看法往往很容易便混濁起來。公關行業擔起「獲取大眾共識的工程」，塑造意見、態度及看法。我們身處於追捧流行的時代，好與壞、對與錯的看法隨著當下風潮轉變，我們就在當中盤旋。
或者豐田與BMW，勞力士與精工之間有點兒實際的區別，不過，在於定義人的身份與地位，這就是天壤之別了。心中的幻想造成妄想，妄想引導我們得出錯誤的定論。同樣地，我們需要集體回憶，來讓我們不斷重新詮釋歷史，迎合時下的看法。向日本投入原子彈的決定、 軍備競賽、以有「大殺傷力武器」之名空襲伊拉克，這些決定都是基於政府在政治及軍事上的看法。亨利·季辛吉有個貼切的說法「位高權重者是要指導決策，而非下決策。決策的過程是消耗並不是創造智慧資本。大部分位高權重者會提出他們的看法及對事情的理解。他們學習如何做決定而不是做甚麼決定」。
在烏蘭巴托的友人抱怨未受過教育的牧民拖垮國家發展的進程。我有一個星期的時間在木蘭以外跟牧民共處，親身體驗了他們的生活。他們帶著牧群遷徙，為綿羊剪毛，為山羊梳毛，織羊毛氈，取馬奶、牛奶做乳製品。庫蘇古爾湖清澈無比，空氣清新，蒙古包內洋溢暖意，周遭風光如詩如畫，令人驚嘆不已，這裡的生活非常寧靜，人們會在火堆前跳唱，說說故事，說說笑話，笑著過活。
3百萬人住在150萬平方公里的土地上，外蒙古是世界上其中一個人口密度最低的國家，畜牧不會耽誤任何人的發展。強制的城市化意味著要牧民要經歷可怕的交通擠塞後，擠進混凝土建的高廈內的細小單位。烏蘭巴托的城市化真會帶來更好的生活？是看法不同吧。
晚間新聞所見，慕尼黑人夾道歡迎敍利亞的難民來到他們國土，分享他們的糧食，並介入他們的生活。他們為難民帶來食水、衣服、玩具、餅乾，展現友善的笑容又溫馨地跟難民握手。兩分鐘後，畫面換上本地新聞，有港人因內地旅客抵港帶來不便，示威反對旅客來港。又是看法不同吧。
開明的思想是建立健康關係的關鍵。這意味著我們要有質疑自己的看法是否混濁的勇氣，要有氣度的去接受其他截然不同的「事實」，並要有不容別人以他們有限的看法來定義自己的力量。與其以拳頭相對，不如嘗試握著彼此的手。
（按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）
Clouded Perceptions
“ It is just like man’s vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions” Mark Twain.
I bought my 2 ½ year old grandson a denim jacket because his favourite jacket has become too small for him. The new jacket is heavily washed and fashionably full of holes. I thought it looked cool & cute, chic & smart and was certainly ridiculously expensive.
He refused to wear it. Sticking his little finger in one of the holes, he stared at me with forlorn eyes , shaking his head, saying “broken”. Initially disappointed, I took a hard look at the two jackets, one is clean, well pressed, with straight seams, looking neat and tidy. The other looks crumbled and dilapidated. Why would I try to convince the poor child that the dilapidated jacket is superior??
We behave according to what we believe to be right and wrong . “Perception” is a situation specific opinion we form based on a combination of personal experiences, information and our emotional status at that moment. Staying objective has always been challenging, but the chance of our perceptions becoming clouded nowadays has become all too easy as media continues to invest our lives with artificial notions and arbitrary values. The process of shaping opinion, attitudes and perceptions was termed the “engineering of consent” by the public relations industry. We live in an age of style and spin in which perceptions of good and evil, right and wrong slither and shift with the fashionable view of the moment.
There may be little practical difference between a Corolla and a BMW, a Rolex and a Seiko… but in terms of perceptions of who you are and what you are, they are worlds apart. Mental illusions build delusions, which manifest false conclusions . Equally, we require a collective past - hence the endless reinterpretations of history, frequently to suit the perceptions of the present. The decisions to drop the atom bomb on Japan.. the consequent arms race … the bombing of Iraq for their alleged arsenal in “weapons of mass destruction”… were all made by governments on the basis of political and military perceptions. As Henry Kissinger aptly put it, “High office teaches decision making, not substance. It consumes intellectual capital; it does not create it. Most high officials leave office with the perceptions and insights with which they entered; they learn how to make decisions but not what decisions to make.”
Friends in Ulaanbaator complain how the uneducated nomads hold back the country’s progress . Having spent a week outside Murun with pastoral nomads, we experienced firsthand how they live. They migrate with their herds, shear sheep, comb goats, make woollen felt, milk horses and cows for diary products… Lake Khuvsgul is crystal clear , the air is crispy fresh, the gers are warm, the picturesque surrounding is breathtaking . Like a painting, life is perfectly tranquil. They sing and dance by the fire, tell stories and jokes, smiling and laughing ...
With 3 million people on 1.5 million square kilometers of land, Outer Mongolia is one of the most sparsely populated countries in the world. Nobody can possibly slow down anybody’s progress by raising herds. Forced urbanization would mean squeezing the nomads through horrific traffic jams into small flats inside concrete buildings. Is Ulaanbaator’s “civilization” really a better way of life ?? Different perceptions.
The evening news showed Munich folks lining the streets to welcome Syrian refugees coming to live in their country, eat their food and disrupt their lives... Yet they brought water, clothes, toys, biscuits.. offering friendly smiles and warm handshakes... Two minutes later, the local news showed our agitators protesting against mainland visitors because they brought us inconvenience. Different perceptions.
Being “open minded” is the key to healthy relationships. It means the courage to ask if our own perceptions might be clouded, the grace to accept other variations of “truth”, and the strength not to allow other people’s limited perceptions to define us. Instead of fists apart, try holding hands.