學識放手，再去愛人
#兩性關係 #心理情緒 #Sex & RelationshipJenny 跟 Lisa在高中時已情同姊妹，大學時期，兩人是宿友又一起加入了排球隊；婚後，她倆的丈夫是哥爾夫球場上的波友，兩姊妹的感情深厚得教人羨慕不已，直到一天，當Jenny發現Lisa搭上了自己的丈夫，姊妹情從此不再。
被自己珍視的人背叛，大概是世上最殘酷的情感虐待。當真相完全違背所想，痛苦、憤怒蜂湧而至，猶如翻起女巫釀製的苦澀毒物，毒性泯滅常識，燃起怒火至摧毀個人的身體與靈魂，把人拖拉至絕望的深淵；之後發生的事情就決定了那人餘生的命途，以下幾個故事就是活生生的例子。
(1) 莉薩·諾瓦克年輕貌美，她是美國太空總署的太空人，前途無限。不過，她因為伴侶捨棄自己，跟同事科琳·希普曼一起而憤怒不已，更埋伏希普曼，企圖殺死她；諾瓦克事後被捕並裁定罪名成立，判監及解除職務。最後，她失去了自己的伴侶、事業、名聲，一無所有。不懂得寬恕的諾瓦克任由憤怒摧毀自己的一生。
(2) 陳潔如在15歲那年下嫁蔣介石，這段婚姻維持了7年。蔣介石其後遇上宋美齡，他火速與陳潔如解除婚約，迎娶被他稱為「唯一真正愛上的女人！」──宋美齡過門。被背叛的陳潔如從此一蹶不振，在自憐中度過餘生，這位悲傷、孤獨的女人死於65歲，浪費了大半生在放不低的糾結之中。
(3) 史蒂芬·霍金與潔恩·懷爾德在1965結婚，並生下兩個孩子。因為霍金患上肌萎縮性脊髓側索硬化症，照顧家庭的重擔落在潔恩身上；即使前路困難重重，以及有無數的追求者可選，潔恩依然不為所動，留在丈夫身邊，直至丈夫戀上他人，與自己離婚，娶了看護伊蓮·梅森為妻。其後，外界發現霍金被第二任妻子虐待有5年之久，這段婚姻最終離婚收場。潔恩不但原諒前夫，更跟他復合，霍金最終與孫兒重聚，重組幸福大家庭。
「Magnanimous」（寬宏大量）來自拉丁文「magnus」（偉大）及「animus」（靈魂），這個詞語形容一些擁有崇高靈魂的人，面對那些教人心痛欲絕的問題，他們仍能冷靜地、堅定地處理；他們是高尚的、勇敢的，不計憤怨，原諒那些或不值得寬恕的人；他們擁有一顆慷慨和善的心，不屑卑劣之事，又願意放開愁恨或怨念。面對敵人仍能抱持寬宏大量之心實在是在思想及心靈上的崇高表現，亞里士多德稱之為「至高無上的美德」（the crowning virtue）。
現實地來看，寬宏大量不只是種高尚的美德，做一個寬宏大量的人更給予自己一次重生的機會。很多客人帶著自己的心理包袱來找我們，這些包袱可能是一次痛苦的婚姻離異，又或是慘痛的分手經歷……請緊記，我們一天不放手，傷痛一天都不會離我們而去。寬恕不等於要否定已鑄下的錯誤，它只是用來保護自身，免於被憤怨蠶食我們的力量。不放手是因為我們相信過去的存在；放手是因為我們會展望將來。
在此祝願經濟通的讀者們有勇氣去把過去的一切不快拋諸腦後，去把心思通通放在創造美好的新一年上！
（按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）
Being Magnanimous
Jenny and Lisa were best friends since high school. They were in the same volley ball team and were flat mates throughout university. Their husbands were golf buddies, and the bond of sisterhood was enviably strong, until one day when Jenny discovered that Lisa was having an affair with her husband… and her world simply fell apart.
Betrayal by people one loves is probably the cruelest form of emotional abuse there is. When trust has been so completely violated, the overwhelming pain and seething anger stir up a witches’ brew of toxic bitterness, annihilating commonsense, poisoning one’s body and soul with such burning hatred it easily drags one deep into the dark abyss of depression. What happens next could decide the fate for the rest of one’s life. Here are a few true stories:
(1) Lisa Nowak was a young, pretty NASA astronaut with a brilliant career and a promising future. Irate that her lover had left her for her colleague Colleen Shipman, she ambushed Shipman in the dark, viciously attacked her with the intention to kill. She was arrested, found guilty, sentenced and discharged from the navy. She ended up losing her man, her career , her reputation and every-thing else. Nowak was destroyed by her own rage because she could not forgive.
(2) Ch’en Chieh Ju was 15 when she married Chiang Kai Shek, their marriage lasted 7 years. After Chiang met Soong Mei Ling, he quickly annulled his marriage with Ch’en to marry Soong, calling Soong “ The only woman I truly love ! ”. Devastated, Chieh Yu never recovered from this betrayal. She spent the rest of her life soaked in self pity, and died a sad, lonely woman at the age of 65. Chieh Yu’s life was completely wasted by her inability to let go.
(3) Jane Wilde married Stephen Hawking in 1965, they had two children. Because of his motor neurone disease, the burden of family responsibilities rested solely on her. In spite of colossal hardship & numerous suitors, Jane stood by Hawking’s side. Until he fell in love with his nurse, divorced Jane and married Elaine Mason. For 5 years, he was found to be physically abused by his new wife, and the two were finally divorced. Not only did Jane forgive Hawking, she took him back . With children and grand children, they were once again, one big happy family.
Magnanimous comes from Latin magnus "great" and animus "soul" ,it describes some-one who has a lofty spirit, capable of confronting heart wrenching problems calmly and firmly. When someone is magnanimous, he is noble and brave and rises above his anger to forgive someone who may not deserve to be forgiven. It is this generosity of spirit which makes him disdain meanness, and prompts him to rise above resentfulness or vindictiveness. To be magnanimous towards one’s enemies is the virtue of being great of mind and heart, identified by Aristotle as “ the crowning virtue”.
Pragmatically, magnanimity is not just a noble virtue, it allows the person being magnanimous to live again. Many clients come to us carrying baggages, be it a painful divorce or an agonizing end to a relationship.… Remember, pain will not leave us until we let it go. To forgive does not mean negating the wrong that was done, it only means protecting ourselves from the corrosive effects of chronic anger which so dissipates our energy . Holding on is believing there is a past, letting go means there is a future.
May I wish ETNET readers the courage to leave behind all the unhappy memories of bygone years, and the strength to focus on making the Year of the Monkey a happy one !